God's Grace and Beauty

Here is the link for the post I wrote on a friend's blog a couple of months ago.  It is complete with the gorgeous photographs she took of my family while we took some much needed rest up at our trailer near Bracebridge.

Please click the link and enjoy.

Blessings,
April

http://kristinpeereboom.com/2015/09/22/guest-post-expecting-beauty-muskoka-maternity-family-photographer/

You Won't Believe It

Sometimes I still don't believe it. 

I AM PREGNANT.  Yup, 19 weeks -- almost halfway.  This is unbelievable news ... I still feel funny saying that we are expecting a baby even though we've been praying and hoping and waiting and aching to announce such news for a long time.  Even though my belly is rounding out nicely and my regular clothes no longer fit.  Even though I can feel little pokes and jabs from the baby wiggling around inside me.

Of course, there is much more to this statement.  As per usual in the journey of building our family, there are many more people involved.   

We have the incredible privilege of being chosen by a selfless couple to carry and parent their child.  We are pregnant by way of embryo adoption.  

The reactions have been varied but always positive.  Most often our news has been met with, "Wow!  That's awesome!" followed closely by, "What is embryo adoption?"  In a nutshell, embryo adoption is like a regular adoption except nine months sooner.   Neither the egg nor the sperm belong to us biologically so this child is completely genetically unrelated to us - but I have the privilege of carrying this child in my womb until he/she is ready to make its appearance on or around October 5, 2015.  We consider it adoption because our donor family chose us based on our homestudy and family profile and we accepted based on much of the same information available to us.  We worked with a social worker via our adoption agency and a lawyer to finalize and legalize our adoption of the embryos we now have in our care.  We plan to have an open adoption with our donor family for which we are thankful.  

Did we plan on building our family this way?  Did I ever think I would have the amazing experience of being pregnant again?  Did I ever think I would be preparing for labour and delivery and recovery again?  NO!  After Jude we firmly closed the door on further treatments believing that God would have us build our family through more traditional routes of adoption.  We had hoped to never see the inside of a fertility clinic again.  This just goes to show me again that God is in control.  

And I am surprised - again. 

I am blown away - again - by this incredible and awesome plan for my life that I couldn't have imagined possible.   

I am overwhelmed - again - by God's answer to the thousands of prayers I have prayed over the past ten years for children.  

I am humbled - again - that God has allowed my body to be the life-giving source of this child's growth and that this child will call me "mommy".

I am thankful - again.  Over and over I am rendered speechless by gratitude and thankfulness to the creator of the universe for answering my prayers in a way that I could not have dreamed about in the most outrageous of dreams.  

Wow. 

April

Praying Like Crazy

I started a prayer journal.  So often people ask for prayer and I quickly say that of course I will pray for them ... but then, do I?  Getting the idea from a friend (who said I was the first entry in her new prayer journal!!) I decided that this new year was a good time to start writing down the names of people who ask me to pray for them as well as needs that I see in my family and community.  In just the act of writing down their names they get at least one prayer uttered from my heart.  And then as time goes on, I hope that I will be able to go back over the list and jot down notes as to how those prayers were answered or if they remain on my list.  

Interestingly, as we continue to wait for a child, at least five other families have asked me to pray for their process of adoption as well.  Some are joyfully welcoming new children into their families as I write ... others are feeling the burden and opposition of waiting and still others are anxiously awaiting approval of documents and test results.   

On the other hand, many friends have told me that they are, and I quote, "praying like crazy" for us as we wait with hopeful hearts.  I am blown away.  I need prayer.  Everyday.  Or the feeling of sinking slowly but surely takes over.  Isn't it amazing how we can gather around each other and support and encourage each other so simply?  It is because of these crazy prayers that I feel like I can continue to wait well. 

What does it mean to wait well?  I am not sure.  

Does it mean being so busy there is no time to think of what you don't have?  
Does it mean to surround yourself with people and get lost in their lives?
Does it mean to ignore the feelings of your heart and the thoughts of your mind when
     really all you want to do is obsess and rationalize the wait?
Does it mean that you talk yourself out of the importance of what you wait for? 
Does it mean to submit to the burden of waiting and wallow in it? 

I am not sure.  For me, I don't want to miss life while I wait.  I want to enjoy the things God has given me today.  First and foremost I want to enjoy the children God has given me.  To be honest, after our infertility diagnosis, I didn't think I'd ever be the mama of a newborn but God has given me not one, but two children --- given to me at their births.  Amazing -- for that reason alone I can wait well.  Second, there are so many people who need me and who need my prayers, my company, my gifts ... there is much work for me to do.  Not necessarily to distract me from my waiting but to fill my life with good things, with good relationships, and with hobbies and activities that I enjoy.  

Anxiety, worry, nervousness, guilt ... these are not things that I enjoy experiencing and so I pray myself out of them.  And if I can't pray for a release from these feelings myself I've got numerous people, "praying like crazy" to help me out. 

Please ... pray like crazy for someone today.  You have no idea how far the ripples of that prayer will go!  

In prayer, 
April