In some ways this has been a difficult Christmas season thus far. I have found myself once again aching for my third child. I am ready to welcome this child into my home and into my family. My heart is already full of love for this child but my arms are empty and aching. I have said over and over again, if I could pregnant right now, I would be -- that's how ready I am!
I have found myself part of many conversations in many areas of my life this season that make this reality all too stark.
For example, one morning I sat and listened to some women talk about how thankful they were that the symptoms they were experiencing did not mean pregnancy. I said nothing (much to my own surprise) but later on I shed a few tears as I wished that I could wonder whether or not I was pregnant.
Another question stated, "so where is baby number three?" Oh, how I wish I knew.
And yet another said, "How long is it going to be yet?" Only my Father knows.
In a season when I am supposed to be celebrating the birth of Jesus to a young virgin woman, I am finding myself questioning God's plan. But then, in God's perfect timing, people have showed up again and again to remind me that all things beautiful and worthwhile take time.
You'll notice that our fundraising thermometer has taken some serious jumps. A combination of people all over the place purchasing my hand sewn products and very generous friends and family, we have raised more than enough to pay the retainer fee at our adoption agency when we are chosen. This is amazing as only a few short months ago, we had nothing in our savings account and wondered where the money would come from.
This is where the title of my post is most appropriate. Christmas is indeed a time to not only count our blessings but to be a blessing to each other, to humble ourselves enough to accept the love and gifts others offer. Each of the donations, large and small, have blessed us beyond words. We are so humbled that people believe in us -- so much so that they trust us to raise another child (sometimes I wonder what they see in us!). And talking about blessings -- Jesus is the best blessing we could ever hope for. He was the ultimate picture of humbleness -- coming to earth as a helpless baby when he sat at the Father's right hand in glory. When I wonder when and how I am going to become a mom again, I pray that I may remember that not only did Mary become a mother even though she was a
virgin, she was the mother of the man who would give his life to save
mine. Wow. Talk about blessing and humbleness wrapped up in one!
We still have a little ways to go and so I will keep my sewing machine humming. In the meantime I can and will give thanks to God for the people he has placed in our lives and for sending his son as a wee baby in a manger to remind me to be humble and patient and thankful as we await our own miracle.
May you have a blessed Christmas.
April
